an e-mail of encouragement from my friend

Good morning sweet friend,

I'm catching back up on blogs (my own having been neglected since before Thanksgiving!) and just read your last two posts. What I want to say deserved its own email and was a little too long for a post. So here it is.

Are you wondering what happened to that picture you had in your head when you were first pregnant? That blissful slice of Americana that caught mother and young, perfectly behaved (dressed, mannered, etc.) child in unending moments of quiet play, sun streaming gently through the window to beam off her golden curls? To be truthful, I still mourn the loss of that picture, because even though both of my girls had their share of curls (if not golden), the QUIET and WELL-BEHAVED part of that scenario never quite played out like I had planned! All that aside, I do want to tell you not to despair.

Motherhood is nothing if not a tug-of-war. You're the little flag in the middle, trying to stay balanced between the "no's" and the "yes's"...between the "I'm too tired to stay firm and consistent" and the "if I 'spare the rod I'll spoil the child'"...between the desire to be their friend and the demand to be their mom. Know that there isn't a mom in the universe that has ever maintained that balanced place in the game all the time. Every one of us has hit the ground with a hard thud, face in the mud, dirt in our teeth. The problem is not in the fall, however. It only becomes a real problem when that mom, defeated, rolls up that rope, sticks it in her purse and camps out on whichever side she's fallen. She not only ends up unbalanced, but so do her kids. The best moms out there are the ones who get back up and keep trying to stand their ground, dabbling a little on both sides, certainly, but keeping their focus on staying balanced till the end.

Your friends are right...you ARE a great mom. You are trying so hard to do things in a godly way and bring your kids up right, and you're doing a great job. Don't gauge yourself on Lisi's demanding personality (trust me on that one - I've been there!) or on Isabella's diet (she's not starving and if the doctor says she's growing and healthy, don't worry about it!). I will give you a couple of suggestions, however, that worked for me most of the time (you may already be doing this).

FOR ISABELLA: I found that if my kids were involved in the kitchen, in choosing the menu and helping prepare it, they ate a lot better. Get a kid's cookbook with very simple, yummy-sounding recipes and let her help you make it and serve it. She will be so proud of herself, she wouldn't think of not at least trying it!

FOR BOTH GIRLS: Instead of taking things away, try some positive reinforcement. Again, you may already be doing this, but if not, and Mark is not all that keen on discipline, this might be something he would be more apt to get involved in and you wouldn't be left feeling like the bad guy all the time. Get a poster board and make a big sticker chart...make a list of good behaviors that you're trying to teach and let them put a sticker on the day's square each time they do it. At the end of the week, if they have at least 5 stickers on each day (or whatever you deem appropriate), they will get a predetermined treat. You can also do this with M&M's in a jar, or coins that they can spend at the end of the week, or whatever you can come up with.

This is just food for thought, but it sounded like you might could use some fresh perspective. Remember that God is the only perfect parent...He gives us the standards to go by, and graciously fills in the spots we miss or mess up. Rest in Him and keep loving those kids the way you so marvelously do!

Love to you this day,
Melinda